DEAR BROTHER

I need to say goodbye to you, to let you go and find the peace of mind that has been elusive to me since you left us. I am in pain, though I can’t find the tears to let the pain out. Keeping the pain inside is slowly killing me.

I feel that your death was senseless, but I somehow need to find a way to move on without you. You are gone, I have to accept that, but knowing that doesn’t make the pain any less. There should be a time for mourning, I don’t think I will ever be able to properly mourn you, my beloved.

There’s a bloody void left in my heart for you. I need to somehow meet you in my dreams while asleep in order to really let you go. To say my farewells to you because I am the only one in the family that hasn’t done so.

Wherever it is you are, keep me in your sight, keep the love alive. As I am here keeping your memories close to my heart, and never being able to forget you. Ever.

For now, goodbye, fare the well.

Love,
Joi.

GOD ALMIGHTY

I feel like there’s too much pain in my heart for one person to take! There’s bleeding in my heart and an immense downpour of excruciating pain. Why him, I ask? Why the hell HIM. He was ours! To have and to appreciate. Ours! Why HIM?!

He was a son, he leaves behind a grieving mother, who should never have had to feel the pain of losing a child or ever have to bury one. He was a brother, he leaves behind a brother and two sisters mourning inconsolably for him. No one will ever take his place. He was a husband and according to his wife, he was her only best. She doesn’t know how she will go on without him. He was a father, leaving behind two very beautiful girls. They could have used his firm hand and loving guidance in the years ahead.

He was a nephew, a grandson, a cousin and a dear friend to many. I am MAD, ANGRY!!! Why did you do this to him, to us, to them? WHY?! I hope I will one day understand your reasoning, but for now my tears will keep flowing, my heart will keep missing him and I will keep trying to find the answers.

If it is even possible, may his soul rest in peace, and may you keep him in a better place. We will surely miss him.

J.

DEAR OFFICER

I have several people on this list that I would love for you to arrest or have spend a few nights in jail. I know it would be beyond your mandate to expect you to be both judge and executioner, but it is a matter of utmost urgency. My security as a member of this nation is at risk. I need you to be the law and ensure my safety.

First and foremost, it has to be my shopkeeper! For some insane reason, the prices of goods NEVER stay the same. They keep changing and worse, without my being notified. I need a steady price in order for me to keep fixed budget. And if you could arrest his wife, that would be lovely. She looks at me strangely, and it scares me.

Then arrest JANE! She has to go. And if possible, OFF WITH HER HEAD. She broke my best friend’s heart. He was such a sweet angel to her. There for her. Gave her everything she wanted. Respected her for who she was, which was hard in my opinion because we all knew what a devil she was (and don’t mistake that for a compliment!). Then out of the blue, she says it’s over. That is just not fair!

My neighbor is next, the one whose house borders mine on the right. He keeps looking at me suggestively. I do not take the fact that his wife is heavily pregnant as an excuse (and by the way, I think she poisoned my dog). She seems pretty enough; he should be satisfied with her. I know I have NEVER given him any encouragement; he should therefore have to leave me alone. You could put him as a matter of priority on your list, the sooner the better.

And last but not least, JOHN. Not because he broke my heart, which by the way is made of steel. Not because I think of him in the same league with the scam of the earth. No. I need him arrested because of his audacious nature. How dare he expect ME to be his friend? He acts like nothing happened. He treated me like trash, and turned my friends against me. How dare he expect me to forget all that? In case you think it’s because I’m bitter, then don’t. I forgave him a long time ago. I just can’t stand his sight, and having known him. I wouldn’t want to be friends with me. Hell, I wouldn’t even dare refer him to my worst enemy.

I have many people I need arrested but I need to see how you handle these first. So how soon should I expect results?

Yours truly,
Concerned Citizen.

CARLOS,

I thought we were no longer together! I thought that when you leave a girl you leave her completely! This goes beyond stalking, it’s bordering on psychotic. Please, and I use that word lightly, please leave me alone. When you turned your back on me, I thought. No, I knew that would be the last I see of you. Yet here you are again, disturbing the peace. You got on your high horse, aroused the dust around you and told me you are happier than you’ve ever been because you are leaving me behind. Imagine my shock on seeing you back (and I must say that riding on a broom becomes you).

You left me in the dump so to speak. I was so in love with you. I could have given up my life for you. Hell, I was ready to move the world for you. Yet you complained all the time. That my love was smothering you. That you needed space away from me to get your life and live without me. I can honestly now say, that nearly killed me. Being away from the one person I gave my all to, that destroyed me. At first I was drenched in pain and drowning in sorrow. But the beautiful thing about drowning, is that, when you come up for air; you emerge fighting to survive.

I was scared I wouldn’t get you out of my heart. And I did, finally. I found somebody new who got you out of my head. It took some false starts at first, kissed a few frogs in the process but in the end I finally won. You told me nobody would have me, it was amazing to prove you wrong there. It makes me angry that you refuse to leave me in peace. Which is strange considering that when I was alone you weren’t bothered by it. Is it because you enjoyed seeing me by myself and lonely? Or is it a case of wanting something that you can’t have?

I want you out of my life for good. I am not going to use the defense that I now have someone special, which need not even be a reason. I want you to leave me in peace, for me. I don’t want you in my life, ever. When you said you’d never come back, I believed you. I hated you at first, but I learnt to let go of all that anger and hatred. (The doctors said it wasn’t good for my health). Now, in my heart, with regards to you, there’s only indifference. I don’t care about you anymore and what you do with your life and time.

Saying goodbye for good,
The one you’ll never get back.

Hey Baby,

I want to say goodbye to you, now, while I still can. There’s this void in my life, this empty hole where my heart should be. And I’ve reached that stage where I can’t take it any more. I know I’m strong, we both know that. It’s just that I’m not strong enough for both of us. In this I have to be selfish. I have to be strong for just ME.

I love you, I really do. I have been in love with you for so long that I feel like I was born already in love with you. It is for that reason that I have to leave. I have to go while I’m still in love, because if I stay any longer then my love for you will grow into something awful and unpleasant between us. It might even grow into something worse than hate.

I gave you time to heal, time to move on with me. But it seems all these fears you have are crippling you and holding you back. I gave you enough time to see the kind of person I am, but it’s as if you’ve blinded yourself to me. I told you in words and action that I would never hurt, never cause you pain, but you refuse to listen and see what is right in front of you. It’s like you are too caught up in the past to see the present and the beautiful future we might have together.

I have to leave with the memory of my love for you still strong in my heart. You need someone other than me. You need something that I cannot offer. I am not strong enough to live with just my love for you. I need love in return, and we both know you would never give me that. I know you are capable of love, I’ve seen it in your eyes before. You are just not capable of loving me. The only time you look at me with love in your eyes is when you are hurt and you need me to take the pain away. I can’t do it anymore. Loving you was never easy and it has taken its toll on me.

I am not saying this so you can love. I’m saying all this so that I can free my heart. So I can free both of us. I’m wishing you life and the best it has to offer. But most of all, I’m wishing you wisdom to recognize love when it knocks at your door.

Kisses,
J.

DEAR DIARY

I’ve been standing on this spot, for how long, I’m not sure. I should be able to enjoy the view, I heard it was a beautiful day outside, but I don’t think I can or ever will. The sun is shining ever so brightly, funny enough I can’t feel its warmth. The birds are singing too, but for some strange reason, I’m deaf to all that. I’m not noticing anything or anyone.

I feel sad on the inside and it feels like I can’t get the sadness out. Nothing I do can take it away, nothing. I guess that’s why my soul feels colder than usual, like frozen ice is flowing through my veins. I want to scream out loud, but I can’t, because I know no one will hear the pain I want to let out. There should be someone or something that can at least bring me warmth inside. Someone or something that can make me move from this spot because they or it have given me a reason to look forward to the next moment.

I wish I could talk to someone, explain what is going on without them thinking I’ve gone crazy. Because that is how I’ve been feeling lately, crazy, insane. How else would you explain my feeling lonely in a crowd of people? Feeling bereft in a company of very happy people? And then to make matters worse, avoiding people. Finding an excuse not to go out. Not to spent time with them. It’s all because deep inside I know that if they stay with me long enough I’ll infect them with my gloomy self.

When I’m alone at night in the dark, I cry. I cry till I feel there are no more tears left in me. I cry for the me that was. The me that everyone wanted to spend time with. The me that was so sure of herself. The me that had her life figured out. The me that I carefully and tirelessly presented to the world. The me that’s lost inside somewhere, if she ever existed. All along, while crying, I wish there was someone there with me, whispering that everything will work out fine. That no matter what, I am never alone.

I keep reaching out, to what, I’m not sure. I keep hoping and praying that before it is too late, I will have figured things out. I will have found the patience to let people in. I will have found the strength to ask for help. I will have found whatever it is my heart is clinging to.

Always,
J.

LOVING YOU STILL

The sun doesn’t shine as bright
As it did when you were with me
When I had you constantly by my side.

If you could see the way I hog
Sunlight each day to capture the
Love that I felt when you were here.

I’m scared of letting other men in,
Of giving them a chance at a life
With me and with my love for them.

If you could only see the way I
Live my life, if you could only
Understand why I’m not letting them in.

I don’t think that I’m capable of
Ever loving again, of ever feeling
Another man’s arms around me.

If you could only see this love
I have for you, if you could only
Get a chance to glimpse at my heart.

Then you would know that I
Still love you, that I cry at night
Thinking of you, that no matter what
I’m always going to love you, always.