MY ALL

Late at night when no one is around, when I am alone with my thoughts, then I face the truth. The truth that I can’t face in the light of day. I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in love. I believe that pure love that doesn’t hurt really exists. And most of all I face the fact that I want love in my heart. I want to be in love and share this big heart of mine.

I am an honest person and I know that whoever gets me, if he ever will, will be the luckiest man alive. I tend to believe that if you are going to be with someone then they should really get all of you and the very best of you. I wouldn’t hurt him. From me he would be able to expect and get honesty and fidelity. I am not sure that I have the mental capabilities of having an affair. I hate being lied to and would hate myself for doing that to anyone, I would prefer walking away from it all.

Sometimes when I’m forced to face the truth, I wonder why I am still alone. I wonder why I am afraid to share me or a part or just a tiny piece of me. I want love but I am not sure that I am prepared to do what it takes to go find it. I tend to rationalize my fears. And the worst fear of them all, is getting too hurt to face myself or even look at myself in the mirror. I have taken the risk enough times and to say I was burned is to put it mildly. I still have the scars, they are a constant reminder. I used to wear them like a badge of honor till I realized I wasn’t honoring myself by being in constant pain. I moved on, gave my heart a fighting and healing chance.

I believe in love. I believe in its miracles. I believe that it is out there just waiting to be discovered. I also believe that there are monsters out there waiting to take what is on offer and destroy it. Taint it, in the name of love. I am willing to give my all, just and only just if I do get an assurance that this big heart of mine will not be left with cracks or even love forbid, in pieces.